Ian

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Todays post comes to you compliments of Ian Vellenga. Professor Noel decided today he was going to call several students up to read their first exams. I was very relieved to not be called up. Mathias went first, then Noel stood up and said, "wait I have one more... Ryan." So I had to go sit up front while 4 more people read their amazing papers dreading the approaching moment when I have to read a paper I have zero confidence in. I spent the majority of the three hours of the exam time rereading the text I was using as my source because I only skimmed it the first time, and had to throw a paper together out of that... I only figured out exactly what the point I was tying to make was when I was about 3/4 done with my paper. So while I was up front sitting, and presenting a paper (which I realized had many many grammatical mistakes as I was reading it, and had to keep stopping to figure out what I was trying to say), Ian was in the back row typing on my computer. Without further ado I give you a narration of what Ian thinks about in class:

Good job Ryan. I hope it was a good paper. I’m thinking before you read it that it’s going to suck…

You did question 3, didn’t you? Good…take the easy way out…everyone else answered harder questions, but you answered the really easy one

I hope you aren’t drunk when you read yours, or on pain killers.

It serves you right to write such a good paper

“Oh look, Prof. Noel, I wrote a good paper!!!! Pick me to read it in front of class!!!! Let me show how smart I am!! I am so smart!! S-M-R-T!!”

Quit picking you beard, you Amish looking wannabe!

Also, quit scratching yourself!!! There are ladies present, and you’re turning Tom on.

Don’t look at me!!!!

Stop picking your nose!

EXTREME!!!!!!!!

I hope you realize this before you read; you have a booger hanging out of your nose, and your fly is open.

Stop looking at me!!!!

You missed it…Rus just chewed his nails. Or he could have just eaten a booger. We will never know.

Her paper is better than yours, and English isn’t even her first language!!!

Boy, it sure is windy outside!

Dongwoo sure does like pens...and stationary.

· Ok, he stopped

Stop laughing, that’s not funny.

I think Tom is dead. He hasn’t moved in over an hour.

· Oh there he goes. Nevermind.

So, who’s going to Pt Reyes?

Why does your screen keep going dim?

Wow...Noel just left the room to answer the phone. How rude!!

Pressure is on Ryan. Hope your paper is good. Everyone else’s is.

· Now I’m worried about my paper. It sucks. Why? Oh why!?!?!? Why is my paper so bad????

· Hopefully I passed...if not, I blame you!

Kill whitey!!!! You go Katie. F@#$ the white man!!!!

So, you nervous yet???

Dood, you look like you're about to fall asleep. Wake up!!!

Macbooks suck!!! Look, on it’s own word processor, it doesn’t even recognize the word MacBook. It’s underlined!!! So stupid!!!

· It recognizes it as a mistake, which buying one was a mistake.

Antidisestablishmentarianism… it recognizes that word.

IBM…it even recognizes that word

Let’s see…Hewlett Packard, Dell, Packard Bell, Toshiba…holy crap!! It recognizes all those brands.

· Windows, Microsoft…not looking good for your MacBook. Ipod, Iphone…really not looking good.

Your up next, big guy. Fix you shirt!!!! Why don’t you shave? It ain’t no shave March!!! Quit biting your nails.

Of course number 3!!!! You screwed up already.

Number of mistakes: llllllllllllllllllllllll= 23 f@#%ing mistakes!!!!

The ESL students kicked your ass.

Speak up. Stop mumbling!

Good job…use someone’s name you can’t pronounce…

Overall, not bad. Better than my paper.

Ladies and Gentleman... Ian

By the way Ian, the word processor is MICROSOFT word, and it will recognize the brand name which is not macbook, but Apple. For a fair comparison with IBM, HP/Compaq, Dell, Packard Bell, and Toshiba we would have to type words like: Thinkpad, Elitebook/Presario, Inspiron, Easynote, and Tecra... just for good measure well add Sony... Vaio. I've been an Apple user for the last 25 years, why stop now. :)